At The Moment

Nofiyanti Fuanda

I was a girl, an ordinary girl. I was enjoying my time as a teenager that would not stay any longer. I closed my eyes, tried to remember every detail I had passed for nineteen years. I still remembered my first bag I got in my first day when I started my kindergarten. I also could clearly remember when I got my first bicycle as a present from my grandmother.  I even still remembered the story my mother read for me as a lullaby. Those ware long time ago, when I knew nothing about this world. They were my parents who had taught me everything, who had been taking care of me till that time. Thanks Dad, Mom. Then, I knew almost everything, but I still wanted you to teach me one more thing, teach me to be like you, as brave as you, my father; as calm as you, my lovely mother.

I opened my eyes, looked at the surrounding, and hoped they were watching, but I found nothing. I couldn’t stop my tear since every moment with them was too beautiful to remember. I missed you, my parents; I wanted you to be there. I knew it was impossible, but I believed that you kept watching me far away from the heaven.

 I swept my tear off, ensured myself that it was useless. I just sat in emptiness before I saw the door was opened; it was surprising that all of my friends came. They entered my room, and hugged me enthusiastically. “How beautiful you are today! You must be happy.” They looked at me as I was another Alice, and I believed they thought I was really happy. I only gave my smile, since I never thought as beautiful and happy as I was on my usual day.  I didn’t want to speak actually, but I didn’t want they worried me. I tried to be as normal as I was. We spoke almost everything. That was what normal nineteen year old girls usually did when they met their friends, and I was normal.

Being together with them in such condition was really difficult. I was aware that I should be with them, enjoying my time as teenagers, finding the answers of some questions. But then, I was there to face my decision. They were coming remanded me about many questions I had not answered yet. I had not found the answer of who I was, and what I wanted to be, although I had found the answer of with whom I will be. Oh guys, I was really sorry.

We stopped talking when suddenly someone knocked the door. He entered my room, approached me in emptiness. All of my friends left me, and now, I was just with him. “You are so beautiful!” It was the same statement with others, but I felt different since he, my first love, who said it to me. I couldn’t lie to myself that he ever owned my heart, and we had ever dreamed this day before. “Hope you will be happy!” he hugged me, and then left me. I could feel my heart was beating faster than before, and my breath stopped at a moment although I did not love him anymore. I was happy to meet you Dear, but not in such situation.

I was alone, watching my face in the mirror, while waiting the time that stayed too long. I looked in front, tried to forget everything just a moment, to think about myself and my decision. “I was beautiful” I thought.  “Or my white dress which covered me that was too beautiful?” I came closer to the mirror, noticed the shadow of my face, and convinced myself that I would find nothing different. I still had my slanting eyes, my chubby cheeks, and my red lips. I still had my beauty, but I worried to lose it someday.  I closed my eyes hoping I would be refreshed.

As the time went on, I ensured myself that it was the best decision. I could not stop my fear when I went out of the door. I, again, remembered them, my parents, which were supposed to be here. I looked at him who was there with his white clothes as mine. He glanced toward me, at that time I lost my fear, as if my parents held me here. Your smile was the dew, your eyes were the sky, my dear.

I was standing beside him, someone whom I trusted to be mine. I first met him on December 13 when I was sitting in the yard to count the stars which were shining. He came as a dream, too soon when I was still seventeen, but too late as I was not with my parents any more. I didn’t know why I accepted him to be mine. I loved him without any question why, I loved him just as my desire. Was that the God’s will that he was mine? Whatever that was, I was no longer wonder. I didn’t want to have more questions.

I came closer as he held me firmly. He said no word, intently observed my eyes only. I just waited in my worry, hoping he will say the words clearly. “Marry me!” As warm as the fire burn the freezing heart, he asked me to marry him. But then, the deeply hearth whispered “I wanted more than those words you just said, I wanted you to promise me Dear, so I had no doubt to be there, to be with you as a woman with a husband”. I did not know why then I became so doubt about him. I looked at his eyes, there was nothing should be worried about. Then, my lips gently said ‘yes I will’. That was the moment when I was no longer single.

After the Dying Body

Fuanda 

Her story in my house began in the last summer; it was June, 27 at midnight. We were waiting for our special guests: Aunt Sarah, Uncle Mike and their daughter, Caroline who were flying from Indonesia. But it was too late at night they had not come yet, perhaps their plane was denied because of  the bad weather. I asked my mum to call them, but they did not answer. We decided to watch the television while waiting for them. There was a big news about airplane accident, almost all of the passengers died. But it was nothing to do with my family, I thought. Felt bored, I went bed earlyer and left my parents. But I could not sleep, I remembered about Caroline; I wanted to play with her soon, I also wanted to hear her nice song. “They will be here soon; I will wake you up if they have come! Good night Justine!” my mum promised me. She woke me up, I was sure that they had arrived but I felt something wrong happened when I saw the tears in her face. I could not ask anything, just did what she said. We went to the biggest hospital in New York to pick her up. It was just ten minutes to get there.

Although she had to be with her wheelchair because of her broken leg and could do nothing liked others seventeen years old girls did, I did not care however she looked like after the accident. I loved her very much like my own sister.

In the first few days at my home, she looked so depressed since she had lost her parents. She never talked; just sat on her wheelchair and looked out of the window from her room such had no hopes. I tried to understand her condition, just hoped she would better soon. About two weeks later she was starting to talk with us, she seemed normal, I thought. Even she ever sang a song for me. She also continued her study in the university taking architecture. Anyway she started to draw everything; it was because those which she had to do in her study, I was sure. But what she drew was out of it; she drew the accident, how her parents died and how she could save. She also drew an angle such would pick her up, none related with her study.

The day went on; I extremely shocked when I saw she was talking with herself. I told my parents about her, but they responded as I was joking. Perhaps it was because I was just an elementary school’s boy. I didn’t want to waste the time just to convince my parents; I had to help her no matter what.

“He is always here, you have to meet him, he will teach you foot ball, he promised!” She told me about her boy friend, Zammy, an Indonesian. She convinced me that he was here, but he was not. Cristal clear, she was different. I would be mad when I tried to walk on her way, possibly. But I wanted to help her, really.

I looked for everything left about her from the accident; I just got her small bag. There were only her passports, wallet and small book. But it was enough for me to know what actually happened. There were two passports, her and Zammy’s one. So he was on the accident. But my parents just buried two corpses at that time, he must be somewhere.

I told my mum about that, finally she believed me and tried to convince Caroline about what actually happened and promised to find him but she raged violently. Later, she seemed really mad; she scared with everyone as if they would take her boy friend. I did not know how big his part on her life actually. Everything became worse; my mum wanted her to be in the Hospital and so did my dad. I got stuck at that time.

One day she would meet me with her boyfriend, such a mad boy I went at night to the lawn behind my house. She was there wearing white dress looked like a princess, so beautiful. “He will come soon” She convinced but I worried about that. I may have been really mad at that time, I could see he was wearing white clothes same with an angel which Caroline drew. He was coming closer to me and whispering something; liked asking for help. Caroline may not have been really mad. It was the first time I met him and almost every night later, I could see he noticed me from the lawn.

Neither my mum nor my dad believed me; they thought I was getting mad and accused me because I too often read mystery books. They were not totally wrong actually, an Elementary school’s student was not supposed to seek role in such complicated problem.

I was almost being really mad before finally the police found Zammy’s corpse We Brought Caroline to the hospital and let her to see. She saw his dead body was taken to the case. That was actually our last hope to Caroline. She gave no respond, just noticed him happily. It was better, we thought.

The following day I came to her room to deliver her milk, but she was not there. We looked for her in everywhere around my house before finally we found the track of her wheelchair directed us to the hospital. There were crowd over there; someone found her dying body was lying beside Zammy’s case; she killed herself. Perhaps she would meet him on her way, or she wanted to create another story about their love “After the Dying Body”. However, she got her freedom; to be set free from her suffered.