Ceritaku hari ini..

Huft.....panazz, cuapek, pluss laper (selalu seperti ini). Yup hari kamis adalah hari paling menyiksa di semester ini. Salahku sendiri memang yang memaksakan mengambil lima mata kuliah dalam sehari (ambisi biar cepet wisuda). Alhasil, setiap kamis harus berangkat jam tujuh dan pulang jam lima sore (jadi anak SMA lagi). Parahnya, karena tidak ada alat masak (sebenernya malez juga kalo harus masak) dan belum ada warung makan yang buka juga, terpaksa deh perut ini dibiarkan kruyuk-kruyuk kelaparan.
Hari ini...
Mulai dari bangun pagi yang terlalu pagi, ngerjain tugas, terus mandi, dan sampai akhirnya berangkat kuliah, semuanya berjalan sebagaimana mestinya. Di kampus, barulah ceritaku hari ini dimulai. Di jam kuliah pertama, sebut aja kuliah LT, seperti biasa,duduk diam ngangguk-angguk, paham nggak, bingung iya. Nggak tau akunya yang terlalu bebal atau materinya yang nggak setipe sama otakku jadinya mental, sampe nggak satupun nyantol di ingatan. Di jam kuliah ke dua, sebut S, nggak ada bedanya juga, yang satu ini lebih parah, dari awal pertemuan sampai akhir, presentasiiiii terus. Dan di pertemuan yang terakhir ini, waw!!!! presentasi jadi kaya ajang 'take me out'. 13 presenter berjajar menerangkan materi (Sorry guys, bukan bermaksud tidak menghargai, tapi tadi tak sambi nggarap tugas). Dalam hati aku bertanya-tanya 'apa emang kaya gini yang namanya kuliah? apa cuma di sini yang kaya gini? apa akunya yang ekspektasinya berlebihan kali?' Whatever, semoga bukan yang pertama dan yang kedua. Next, jam ke tiga, jamnya P with Mrs A. Jam kuliah yang paling 'mengasyikan', dari mulai 'siap grak' buat ngrapihin tempat duduk, sampai 'duduk siap' untuk berkemas, rapi tertata (kaya anak TK). Tentang kuliahnya, no comment. And the last one, inilah jam kuliah yang paling abstrak, yang lain daripada yang lain, yang manfaat kuliahnya (katanya) hanya bisa dirasakan suatu saat nanti (masalahnya suatu saatnya kapan?). Kegiatannya? unique juga, barter kertas. Inilah kuliah dimanya metode pembelajaran 'mandiri' sukses diterapkan. Dan juga, inilah kuliah dimana selembar kertas menjadi sangat tinggi harganya. Dah lah.....nggak ada lagi kata-kata.
Dan akhirnya..................................setelah semua kegiatan yang membosankan itu, tibalah waktunya untuk Go home...
Thank to Mba Z, atas tebengannya....hehehe....Berhubung Meo2ku lagi dehidrasi jadi untuk sementara mungkin aku akan kembali menjadi pecinta bumi (pejalan kaki). Yah.. itung-itung ikut mengurangi polusi, dan juga komisi...(dalam hati biar ngirit).
Terimakasih juga buat Mba Na, Vt, Op, Lsd, dan Ch yang sudah tertawa bersamaku hari ini (kebetulan aja sekelas) :). 
Selanjutnya, ngapain yah?....(tunggu ceritanya esok!)
One Thing
March 29,2012

I tried to find one thing
the thing that i could never think
i wanted to search till the sun rising
but i died in the dawn with nothing
i remembered the day before i die
someone reminded me that everything lie
he asked me to go away
but i preferred to stay
he promised to tell me one day
if i  chose to go away
but the thing i wanted will run away 
if i missed that day
then there i preferred to stay 
Dear you ‘The Blue’
March 25, 2012 

Dear you...
The ‘Blue’ who never sees the ‘Red’ behind you
The ‘Blue’ who knows only the sky above you
‘Blue’, ‘Blue’, ...
Wait me standing next to you
The ‘Red’ who never gives up about you
Oh...‘Blue’, ’Blue’, ‘Blue’....
Watch me then when i am standing in front of you.
Remind me then, that i've ever stood behind you.
The straight way
 March 1, 2012

Never be trapped would she to be painful,
if she was just on her way, twist and turn.
But went straight may would be more wonderful.
As joy was rainbow when its colors burn,
dark, but more romantic and enjoyable.
As she was an innocent clodhopper,
though heaven was just for the pure people.
She worried to be blamed as a sinner.
She may didn’t remember in second.
Years passed only sitting with irony.
Joy she dreamed a lot couldn’t be mentioned
Helplessly waiting for the destiny
Pure, she now guessing to find the right way
When road no longer straight to run away 
If only we, because of us
February 23, 2012

if only I
if only you
if only she
if only they
if it just the way
He should go away.
because of me
because of you
because of her
because of them
because it has happened
He shouldn’t responsible

Wonderer
February 23, 2012

I hope the night just for all
The wonderer, seeker, and admirer
But the day, I hope just for me forever
Not a wanderer, just a little girl
Who never let the sun rest and recover
Today but not forever
Just till the shadow a bit darker
Till I become a wonderer

Conflict inside Feminists: Will Vs Pleasure



Feminism is not just critical theory to analyze a literary work, but it is mainly a women’s struggle to reveal the man domination in all aspects (Carter, 2006: 91). As what feminists movement focus on, in the field of literary criticism itself, the appearance of feminist theory is one of women’s resistances to men domination in literary field with their masculine theories. Here, as a theory of literary criticism, feminist theory is used to counter male’s theories by criticizing a literary work from women point of view.  That way, feminists try to show women existence in order to get equality before the law in all aspects as what they elaborate trough literary works.
       
Mona Lisa Smile, a movie by Mike Newell which takes the setting in 1950’s tells about Katherine Watson, a new history of art lecturer who just moves from California to Wellesley University, the most conservative University in America. Wellesley is the university where women can reach the same level of study as men, though there is still separation and distinction of major they can take – women are offered curriculum that make them attractive in marriage market. Hence, Watson is willing to be there not only to shuttle and teach the history of art, but mainly to make a difference.  She wants women movement to prosecute their right not only to get equality but similarity. In this movie, the raise of feminism is clearly shown.  What feminists actually want, and how they are questioning their own movement – an inside conflict of their own between their will against their pleasure.
Watson’s longing to make a difference in Wellesley is said by the narrator as she has tried to apply in the University for many times until she is accepted.  
BETTY. “All her life she had wanted to teach at Wellesley College. So when a position opened in the Art History department......she pursued it single-mindedly until she was hired.” (00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:26,480)


Moreover, after facing her students who are very cleaver and active, but monotone, especially after she meets four most vocal students in her class: Betty, Joan, canny, and Levy, she then understands clearly a circumstance that women in that University have been really dominated by male hegemony through the curriculum. They are studying in the University not to construct themselves, but to be constructed as what the social culture at that time which still exalted male hegemony – good women is what men say as a good ones. They are thought to cook, serve the meal, and master the art – all men needs. They are theoretically cleaver, mastering the syllabus, but those, for Watson, actually is not the main purpose of study. Study is not just mastering by memorizing, but understanding that is proved by creating.
Then, Watson begins to make difference. She begins to teach her students to think freely using their own ideas, and do what they want to be. When Watson comes with her new idea to make difference; they are firstly shocking, but then they accept her. Her way to make a difference seems work at the first time; her students learn themselves, they become more critical, and brave.
However, out of Watson notice, out of the school, curriculum, and syllabus, her students are actually facing the bigger problem – real men domination that she did not realize before. She does not realize that they live under tradition, and the difference she brings all breaks the role.  When the students know that she does not marry, students judge her as she against the nature – the role, students then ask the reason or the foundation of her idea.
BETTY. “One must pause to consider why Miss Katherine Watson... ...instructor in the Art History department......has decided to declare war  on the holy sacrament of marriage. Her subversive and political teachings encourage our Wellesley girls... ...to reject the roles they were born to fill.”(836- 840: 01:08:14,990 --> 01:08:32,966)

That is her big problem. From her students, she is then aware of one thing, the reason of her movement – women struggle to get free from men domination – which is still questioned. Is it her own reason or based on the fact that happens in the society?
However, out of the rejection of the students, they actually agree with the idea of Watson, but they are afraid to break the tradition. Betty, the girl who writes about her and judges her as the role breaker, is actually suffering men oppression in which she has to marry and her husband is busy with his job. Levy, is a girl whose parents divorced, and whose boy friend has affair. She definitely is disappointed of men. Canny has the same problem, her boy friend has affair with other girl.
Concerning the conflict of Betty, one of Watson students who againsts the equality of women and men at the first time, then she marries, but then decides to divorce because she does not get her husband’s loving care, Watson’s idea is true, that women should be free from men domination, everybody can choose wherever they want to be. Men cannot oppress women as they want. Women also has right to ask men.
However, a circumstance is felt differently by two different people. Seeing Joan who prefers to get married than continue her study as a lawyer because that what she wants, and she is happy with that, Watson is remained that equality or similarity that women struggle for trough their movement is just the matter of will that depend on the pleasure.  Joan decision to marry is her pleasure as what she says that she may regret for not being lawyer, but it will not much as she regret for not having a family.
JOAN. “I want a home, a family. It's not something I'll sacrifice.

WATSON.  No one's asking you to sacrifice that, Joan. I just want you to understand
that you can do both.

JOAN.  Think I'll wake up one day and regret not being a lawyer?

WATSON. “Yes, I'm afraid that you will.

JOAN. “Not as much as I'd regret not having a family. Not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I'm doing, and it doesn't make me any less smart. This must seem terrible to you.

WATSON. “ I didn't say that. L...

JOAN. “Sure you did. You always do.You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you, a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want”( 1109-1121:  01:31:40,328- -> 01:32:28,473).


Joan’s statement of Watson is true. Watson actually has not clearly understood about her own idea yet. She is not finding the way for all women, but for herself. She asks the student to do what they want, but she does not. She is actually aware that she needs men, that is proved when she loves her partner, but she tries to ignore her feeling because of her disappointment to her previous boy friend who leaves her after the war.

The term ‘pleasure’ and ‘will’ are two overlapping words. Will is mainly about how something or how someone  should be as constructed by people mind, so that will still can be explained logically, but pleasure is mainly about feeling which sometimes cannot be explained logically. The will is influenced by the socio-cultural context, it sometimes is in line with the self pleasure, but sometimes is not. Pleasure, on the other hand is part of instinct.
Betty’s will to divorce is because she does not get the pleasure of marriage, but Joan choice to stop her study and become household mother is her pleasure that brings her to happiness. So then, being feminist or not is only about choice.
In the movie, Watson finally prefers to ‘give up’ and leaves Wellesley after finding the truth beyond the tradition. However, she has succeeded to make a difference in their student’s mind about how women should think - free. She then let her students to chose which way is better for them. That is the picture of feminists’ movement, they are actually still a battle between women’s will and pleasure. 

 
Carter, David. Literary Theory. Great Britain: Pocket Essentials, 2006. Print.
History of Feminism Theory and Feminist Thought. International Takeout. 2012. Web. 26 October 2012 <http://www.intellectualtakeout.org/library/affirmative-action/history-feminism-theory-feminist-thought>
Wilma van der Veen, E., Ph.D.. Feminist Theories. 2006. Web. 27 October 2012